


Stupid Shit With Friends

by IvyCpher



Category: Epithet Erased (Cartoon)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, Hospitals, Platonic Relationships, Stupidity, Swearing, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22437091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvyCpher/pseuds/IvyCpher
Summary: Sylvie goes on an adventure with Giovanni and Molly in the odd woods on the edge of Sweet Jazz City.
Relationships: Molly Blyndeff & Giovanni Potage, Sylvester "Sylvie" Ashling & Giovanni Potage, Sylvester "Sylvie" Ashling & Molly Blyndeff, Sylvester "Sylvie" Ashling & Molly Blyndeff & Giovanni Potage
Comments: 17
Kudos: 114





	Stupid Shit With Friends

When Sylvester had first started hanging out with Molly and Giovanni, he was surprised by all the awfully stupid things they did. Now, he was surprised on how they had influenced him, because  _ he  _ was doing the stupid things with them.

***

When Sylvester walked out of his office that day and started down the sidewalk to the nearest bus stop, he was surprised to see Molly and Giovanni. Not because he hadn't expected to see them, but because Giovanni had almost fucking hit him with his car. Sylvie jumped back nearly a foot as Giovanni's car lurched dangerously close to where he had been seconds ago. The passenger side window rolled down and Giovanni grinned at him from inside the car.

"What the hell, Giovanni?" Sylvie hissed, pushing up his glasses with a shaking hand. He could feel his heart pounding a hundred times a second and even though he wasn't a medical doctor, he knew that wasn't a good thing. "Are you  _ trying  _ to kill me?"

"Maybe!" Giovanni's grin grew and in the backseat of the car, Molly kicked the back of his seat, hard. "Ow- fine, no, alright! I wasn't trying to hit him!" He said, turning around to give Molly a look, then looked back at Sylvie. "I wasn't trying to hit you, four-eyes. Banzai Blasters honour!"

With a roll of his eyes, Sylvie stepped forward and opened the passenger door of the car. "Whatever," He muttered, getting in. "I thought you weren't picking me up until this evening?" He asked as he shut the door and started to buckle his seatbelt. They had all made plans to hang out together at Molly's request. Since Molly couldn't often get away from her responsibilities at her family's toy store enough to see them separately, as much as she desired, it was easier for her to see them both together. 

Sylvester had first hated the arrangement. Hanging out was Molly was enjoyable, but whenever Giovanni came into the mix the odds of them doing something to land at least one of them in the hospital went up by at least sixty percent. He would never admit it, but he was actually starting to enjoy his outings with them. It was nice having friends, even if the majority of the things he did with them were stupid.

Giovanni shrugged, "My mom's friend is trying to quit alcohol so yoga night was canceled." He waited until Sylvie's seatbelt was on to pull the car back into traffic.

As Sylvie was adjusting his seat so that he could see better, he looked up at Giovanni in confusion, "How do those things- you know what, I don't even want to know." He shook his head with a soft sigh. "So where are we going? No one bothered to tell me."

Molly poked her head in between Giovanni and Sylvie, "Boss said that he's going to take us to this really cool forest just outside the city!"

"I'm scared to know what Giovanni's definition of 'really cool' is-"

"Oh geez, c'mon, have more faith in me than that, Sylv," Grumbled Giovanni, stopping at a red light. "This forest is were my squad's safe house is. It's also where a bunch of weird shit ends up!" He sped up once the light turned green and took a sharp turn. "Like, Car Crash's- or Fred's really, mom's old Jeeps that he demolished are there somehow, and once we found this really big intact fish tank with nothing in it!"

So the trio drove to the outskirts of Sweet Jazz City with only a small about of bickering between Slyvie and Giovanni. Giovanni turned onto roads that took them off of the main paved paths and on to bumpy dirt roads that were only big enough for one vehicle at a time. Sylvester worried what they would do if they met another car going in the opposite direction, but since the road they were driving on was firmly in the middle of the sticks, he didn't think they'd meet anyone.

Finally, they pulled up to a log cabin that Sylvie guessed was Giovanni's safe house. Once the car stopped, he unbuckled his seatbelt and jumped out of the car. Molly followed behind him. He looked around and there was indeed the old remnants of two totally totalled Jeeps around the cabin. But aside from the destroyed cars and the cabin, Sylvie couldn't see anything else around them but towering trees.

"So this is your safe house, Giovanni?" Molly asked, stepping toward the cabin. She turned the doorknob and the door swung open.

"If it is- it's not the best idea to keep the door unlocked," Snarked Sylvie, he crossed his arms and walked away from the car, following Molly to the front of the cabin.

Giovanni quickly walked past Sylvie, flicking him in the back of the head as he did so. "Yep! It's also where I have parties when my mom won't let me have friends over, but that's a different story." He ushered Molly in and stepped in behind her. Sylvie followed Giovanni in, grumbling and rubbing the back of his head.

The inside of the cabin was horrible, to say the least. There were mounted deer heads on the wall above the fireplace, some of them had Banzai Blaster helmets hanging from their antlers while others had dollar store, feather boas hung around their necks. On the coffee table there was an open bag of nacho doritos and an a half finished Cards Against Humanity game. All of the furniture that Slyvie could see was either camo or a gross brown. Just being inside the ugly cabin made his eyes hurt. "What.. This- place looks a little too straight for you, Giovanni." He said as Molly padded over to the coffee table and grabbed the open bag of doritos.

Giovanni rolled his eyes and quickly joined Molly at the coffee table, "Yeah, I didn't do the decorating, trust me." He began picking up the Cards Against Humanity cards before Molly could see them and stuffed them into a random end table drawer at the end of a camo patterned sofa. "This is Crusher's dad's old hunting cabin. He lets him bring friends up here for I dunno, hunting things? What would you even hunt here? Tetanus?"

Molly shrugged and sat down on the sofa, "It's not too bad." She said, crunching on a handful of doritos. "The deer heads are a bit scary, but the doritos are only slightly stale. What type of parties do you have up here, Boss? If Crusher and Fred come to them, can I too? I'm your minion just like them!" She had quickly finished the bag of doritos, leaving red dust on her fingers and on her lips.

"Uhh…" Giovanni cast Sylvie a nervous glance that Molly didn't catch because she was too busy sucking the dorito dust off of her fingers. "Well, Bear Trap, they're really um- adult parties. I dunno if you would have fun at them."

Molly jumped off the couch and crumpled up the chip bag. "Oh! Yeah, my mom used to have adult parties like that." She nodded wisely. "So you guys are going to be drinking alcohol and that's why I can't be there? I get that."

"Yes?" Giovanni said unsurely, "Yeah, something like that." He ruffled Molly's hair, "But I promise, next time we have a party it will be a kid friendly one with nothing but sparkling kid wine." He smiled, "And both you guys will be invited if you want," He looked up at Sylvie.

Sylvester shuffled near the door and shoved his hands in his pockets, "I'll have to check my planner… But right now this place is creeping me out," He looked around the cabin and frowned. "Why don't we go walk around? You said there was cool things in this forest and I'm going to hold you to that statement."

Giovanni rolled his eyes but Slyvie caught his half hidden grin, "Fine, let's go then. There's not much to do here anyway." He shrugged and walked past Molly and out the front door. Both Molly and Slyvie followed behind him, shutting the cabin door. Despite the fact that it was summer, leaves and old pine needles crunched underfoot as they walked into the untamed lawn. All around the property looked like it had never seen a rake in its entire existence.

Giovanni looked around and put a hand to his chin, "Now which way is the Heap?" His eyes brightened and then he suddenly pointed to a faint trail, "There it is! This way, minions!" And with that, Giovanni started forward, crashing through the great piles of leaves into the woods.

Molly grabbed Slyvie's hand and flashed him a smile, "C'mon, let's hurry or we'll lose him!" She then started to run along the path off turned up leaves that Giovanni had made, Sylvester trailing behind her.

As they ran, Sylvie noted that no grass could be seen under the years worth of fallen leaves and shed pine needles. Amidst the blanket of leaves, there were a few odd looking mushrooms scattered here and there. It wasn't long before they caught up with Giovanni - Sylvie guessed that he had slowed down so they wouldn't have to strain themselves to keep up with him.

Despite the slow speed at which they were running, the giant piles of leaves on the ground made it hard to even take a single step. It was like trying to walk through a swimming pool with how high of steps both Sylvie and Molly had to take. "What's- the Heap?" Sylvie panted with his effort to keep up. He wasn't athletic in the slightest, so when it came to the leave obstacle course that they were trudging through, he felt like his lungs were going to pop and his legs were going to turn to mush. He still held on to Molly's hand though, mostly because she hadn't let go yet and partially because he thought if he wasn't holding her hand, he would fall into the leaves and be unable to get up again.

"Oh!" Giovanni shouted over his shoulder and slowed down to a stop. "The Heap is the place where we find most of the cool stuff here, like old washing machines with nesting raccoons in them, kiddy pools, one time we found this real ass goddamn sword too!" He smiled excitedly and pointed behind them with his thumb. "We're nearly there."

Molly, unlike Sylvie, wasn't so athletically challenged that she had to lean against a tree and breathe like a winded smoker when Giovanni stopped. "Hey, Giovanni, maybe we can slow down a bit?" She asked, patting Sylvie's back as he caught his breath. "Syl- I have really short legs so it's hard for me to keep up." She smiled up at him.

Giovanni carefully eyed Sylvie for a moment before nodding, "Yeah, sure thing, Bear Trap. Since we're close we can slow down." He leaned against a tree and looked the other way while Sylvie stood back up, breathing normally again.

Sylvie was thankful to Molly for her little lie, no matter how visible it was. And for once, he was thankful for Giovanni too. He could have made fun of him but he didn't. "I'm ready," He breathed, pink in the face.

"Then let's get goin'," Giovanni turned around and started walking down a path.

Without hesitation, Slyvie grabbed Molly's hand and smiled at her. "Well, you heard him. Let's go."

Returning his smile, Molly nodded and swung their hands. And they followed Giovanni down the path.

Since Sylvester could actually breath the rest of the walk to the Heap or wherever Giovanni called the place, he started to enjoy himself. The tall trees overhead blocked out most of the sun so it was cool and shady. Giovanni had started to tell some stories about his Banzai Blaster minions, and some of them were pretty funny.

Finally, Giovanni stopped walking, and stopping talking mid-sentence about the time that he and Fred were driving in a convertible with the roof stuck open in the middle of the pouring rain. "Here it is!" He ushered Molly and Sylvie over to the edge of a hill were he had abruptly stopped. "The Heap!"

Sylvester let go of Molly's hand and together they rushed to Giovanni's side. Sylvie pushed up his glasses as he looked down at what was apparently the Heap. In the valley of two small hills there was literal Heap. A Heap of what had to be everything under the sun, including from what Sylvie could see, a bathtub, a seat from a school bus, and a giant oil painting of Elvis Presley.

"What-" Sylvie had started to ask but Giovanni had already slid down the side of the hill to the Heap and Molly had followed him. For a second he watched them both and sighed before sliding down the edge of the hill to join them.

He jogged up to Giovanni, "How does all this stuff get here?"

"No clue," Giovanni shrugged, then he turned to the Heap and pulled out a steering wheel for a car from its masses. "It just shows up! Every time I come here there's new things," After briefly examining the steering wheel, Giovanni haphazardly threw it over his shoulder. "Could be aliens or just a hick dumping ground, who knows?"

Sylvie looked around, Molly had unearthed a bicycle that was missing both wheels. "You know, I've learned not to ask questions when it comes to the stuff you've showed me-"

"Then you've learned well, Sylv," Giovanni wrapped his arm around Sylvie's shoulder and steered him towards Molly. "Now let's find you something great from the Heap! The Heap is merciful! They giveth all these treasures!"

"Are- are you calling the Heap God?"

"I thought you had leaned to not ask questions?"

Sylvie couldn't imagine how half of the things there even got to the Heap.  _ Someone  _ had to have put all of those things there. But the item he was most surprised to see in the Heap wasn't the oil painting of Elvis Presley or even the disembodied mannequin laying in scattered pieces everywhere. No, the most surprising item in the Heap was the shopping cart. They had to have been at least 25 miles from a grocery store, he couldn't think just how one could get all the way out there.

"Hey, Gio!" Sylvie called, grabbing the handle of the shopping cart and trying to pull it out of the Heap, but it was stuck. "Come give me a hand, I found something!"

Giovanni came from around the side of the Heap with Molly in tow, both of them holding an arm from the disembodied mannequin. "Whatcha got?" Giovanni asked, handing his mannequin arm to Molly and walking over to Sylvester.

"A shopping cart," Sylvie pushed up his glasses. "It's stuck though, I can't get it out."

Giovanni nodded wisely, "Move it, you need a real man to pull this thing out. Like the uh.. broom in the cupboard or whatever that thing was." He shrugged, pushing up his hoodie sleeves above his elbows.

Molly stepped over, peeking behind the mannequin arms she was carrying. "You mean the sword in the stone, Boss?"

With a grin, Giovanni nodded, "Yeah, that! But now it's going to be the cart and the Heap!" He grabbed the handle of the shopping cart with both hands and pulled. The shopping cart inched only slightly from its prison of the Heap. He stopped pulling and looked over at Sylvie, "Okay- I might need your help for this."

Stepping forward, Sylvie rolled his eyes. "Not surprised-" He grumbled, grabbing hold of the shopping cart handle.

Besides them, Molly raised both of the mannequin arms above her head. "I'll do your countdown!" The arms were nearly as tall as she was and she wobbled with the strength to keep them both up. "On three!" She smiled. "One.. two.. three!" She dropped both of the mannequin arms and Giovanni and Sylvie pulled on the shopping cart with all their strength until it popped out of the Heap.

With all the effort they were using to pull out the shopping cart, once it was finally out, both boys fell on the ground while more items fell into the crevice that the shopping cart had left in the Heap.

"Whoop!" Giovanni was the first one up, he extended his hand to Sylvie still on the ground, "We did it!" When Sylvie took his hand he pulled him up. "Man, now if only we had another one, then we could do some cart racing."

Sylvie had been dusting himself off when he heard Giovanni say that, he looked at him confusedly. "Cart racing. You mean like-"

"Like putting this sucker on a hill, hopping in, and seeing who gets to the bottom first. Yeah." Giovanni nodded.

"That's the most stupid and dangerous thing I've ever heard of, so it's no surprise that you've done it, Giovanni." Sylvie stepped back and looked at the cart. It didn't looked like it was damaged, but what idiot would ever race down a hill in a shopping cart? "You can't expect us to do that."

Groaning, Giovanni stepped around Sylvie to get to the front of the cart. "Jesus, kid, what's the word ' _ fun _ ' mean to you? You need more than one cart to race anyway. But-..." He paused and looked at Sylvie, a grin slowly pulling at his lips. "No, nevermind, I don't think you'd be up for it." He waved Sylvie away and pushed the cart past Molly. "C'mon, Bear Trap, help me get this baby up the hill!"

"Up for what?" Demanded Sylvie, he walked alongside Giovanni and Molly, watching them push the cart out of the valley of the Heap and up the hill from where they came.

"No, no," Tsked Giovanni, "I should have never brought it up. A boring kid like you would never do it, just forget I brought it up." Together, he and Molly succeeded at pushing the cart up the hill.

"Boss, maybe you should stop-" Molly started quietly, eyeing Sylvie. She let go of the cart and rubbed her hands.

" _ Boring? _ I'm not boring!" Sylvie growled, ripping the cart away from Giovanni. "At least my epithet isn't soup. No that's  _ really  _ boring." He teased.

Giovanni frowned and stepped back from the cart, putting his hand on Molly's shoulder and gently moving her back a step too. "At least  _ my  _ epithet isn't my fursona."

" _ Beefton is not my fursona!" _

With a smirk, Giovanni put up his hands surrender. "Fine, he may or may not be your fursona and you may or may not be a furry-" He said it slowly, "But you're still boring. If you don't want to be boring," With a raised brow he pointed to the shopping cart. "Take the cart down the hill."

"Giovanni, no!" Molly gasped, stepping away from Giovanni. She pulled his arm down, "Sylvie, don't do that! You might get hurt!"

Sylvie eyed the cart warily. He was a college graduate. He was a licensed psychologist. He knew that it was probably going to get him killed but he started to climb in the shopping cart anyway. "Say I'm boring," He said, looking Giovanni in the eyes. " _ One more time."  _ He wasn't  _ boring  _ and he wasn't a  _ kid  _ either. He was Dr. Sylvester Ashling and he was damn well going to prove it. He was so angry that he couldn't control how his sleep dust was forming around him and falling on his shoulders like snow, or really bad dandruff.

Giovanni leaned forward, grinning, "Ya boring."

With that Sylvie hopped in the cart and before he could even get his bearings, the thing rocketed down the hill. He heard Molly scream as the cart raced downhill. It was all he could do to hold on for dear life and immediately regret his decision for falling for Giovanni's taunt. The cart hit a small bump in the ground and suddenly, Sylvie was up in the air and screaming his head off.

The last thing he saw was the view was ten feet above the Heap with himself and the cart quickly losing altitude.

***

When Sylvester woke up, he knew he was in the hospital. It was the same hospital he had been in after the incident at the museum when he had lost- and gotten back his epithet. Everything looked fuzzy and for a second, all he could he were the lights buzzing over head. His whole body ached and his head was pounding. Then he realized that the reason everything looked so blurry was that he didn't have his glasses on.

Sylvie shimmied to sit up in the hospital bed and moved to pick up his glasses off the little bedside table, but his arm wouldn't move the way he wanted it. He looked down at his arm and he didn't need to have his glasses on to see that it was in a bright pink cast. He had broken his arm in that stupid shopping cart stunt.

Looking around frantically, Sylvie couldn't see Molly or Giovanni in the hospital room with him. Even now when all he wanted to do was ring Giovanni's neck with his broken arm, Sylvie would've felt so much better with him there. He didn't want to be alone. "M-Molly?" He called out, his voice shaky at first. He leaned over and with his unbroken arm, he grabbed his glasses and put them on. They were crooked but he couldn't straighten them right with only one hand. "Molly?" He asked again, happy to be able to finally be able to see, even if his vision was crooked. "Giovanni?"

Just then, Molly came through the open door to his room looking extremely worried. "Sylvie! Oh my gosh, you're okay!" Her face relaxed some when she saw him and she quickly ran to his bedside. She looked tired and Sylvie felt bad for having had worried her, she  _ did  _ tell him not to get in that shopping cart.. "I'm sorry what Giovanni said to you…" She said and suddenly all of Sylvie's remorse was gone, he was angry again. "I've already yelled at him a lot." She sniffled and Sylvie realized that she was close to crying.

"He was  _ so worried _ when the cart crashed, your arm- your arm had broken all funny and your sleep dust was all over you." Molly blinked hard and Sylvie frowned. "We couldn't get you to wake up! He thought he killed you." Tears started to stream down her cheeks and she kept wiping them away with her free hand. "He picked you up so fast and we ran to his car and drove you here." She hiccupped. "And wh-when you got here the doctors had to do surgery on your arm and then after you just  _ wouldn't wake up!  _ And- and, and-"

"Molly!" Sylvie said quickly. His stomach felt queasy from hearing the story and he felt horrible for having worried her and Giovanni. He was still mad at Giovanni but he was just having trouble  _ staying  _ mad at him. "I'm sorry-" He said after a pause. Even though that his whole arm was in the cast, his fingers were still free. He maneuvered his arm so that his fingers were touching hers. "I shouldn't have got into that cart- I shouldn't have gave into his teasing-"

" _ No,"  _ Molly said firmly, "He was being mean.." With her free hand, Molly grabbed a tissue from the box on the stand near the bed. She wiped her nose. "And he needs to tell you sorry. I know he is, but Boss-" She sighed, "He's dumb sometimes, just like you."

"M-Me?" Sylvie stuttered. "How am I dumb?"

"You got into that cart, didn't you?"

Sylvie opened his mouth but then closed it again. "Yeah…" He said quietly. "I'm pretty dumb."

"But that's okay," Molly smiled, "I'll still be your friend, no matter how many dumb things you do."

And at that instant, Sylvester loved Molly. She was the best and first friend he had ever had, and he wouldn't trade her for the entire world. He was just opening his mouth to say something when Giovanni stepped into the hospital room and his words died in his throat.

Giovanni looked jittery and tired like he hadn't been sleeping and drinking too many iced coffees. But he also looked sad. He hesitated inside the doorway, eyeing both Sylvie and Molly nervously.

"You can come in," Sylvie said. Molly hadn't noticed Giovanni at the door before he had spoken and Sylvie didn't know if he would come in without an invitation.

Slowly, Giovanni shuffled into the room. His hands were in his pockets and his eyes kept darting around the room like it was an I-Spy puzzle. "Hey.. Bear Trap?" He asked, "Think I could talk to Sylv a moment alone?"

Molly looked at Sylvie and when he nodded, she let go of his hand and walked past Giovanni towards the door. She left the room without a word and suddenly all the air in the hospital room felt horribly heavy.

Sylvie looked down at his cast as Giovanni stepped next to his bed. He didn't say anything. He was still debating whether or not to kill him and how hard that would be with a broken arm.

"Hey, Sylv.. Sylvester.." Giovanni said his name so softly that it made him look up. Giovanni had  _ never  _ called him by his full first name before. "I'm sorry." He sighed and took a hand out of his pocket to run it through his hair. "It was a shit idea of me messing with you like that- I shouldn't.. I shouldn't of done it." He shook his head. "I'm an asshole, I know it and I don't have any excuse for it."

"You are an asshole," Sylvie agreed. "To me at least." He shrugged softly and looked away from Giovanni. "But so am I. To you at least."

Giovanni sighed and shuffled somewhat. "Molly hates it, I know… Maybe… Now, I might be talking crazy here-"

"As you often do."

Giovanni didn't even roll his eyes at Sylvie's comment, "Maybe we can start being a little less of an ass to each other, and I'll even start it." He stepped forward and put a hand on Sylvie's shoulder. "Because, Sylvester, you're not boring." He paused. "And.. Beefton isn't your fursona."

Sylvie couldn't help but laugh. He laughed until his body hurt more than it already did and there were tears in his eyes. "Okay, Giovanni.. We have a deal. And.. And your epithet.. it isn't boring."

Giovanni smiled and dropped his hand from Sylvie's shoulder. "You know, it did look pretty badass when you were in the air. You had to have been at least 15 feet off the ground."

"Really?" Sylvie leaned forward, "You think so?"

"Aw hell yeah, man! This is a story that is going in the Banzai Blaster Hall of Fame!"

And Sylvie smiled. He had two friends in the world and even though he hated him sometimes, he was so happy that Giovanni was one of those friends.

**Author's Note:**

> This is crack I swear to god. But come on you cannot tell me that Giovanni and Sylvie don't act like brothers.
> 
> Comments are very much appreciated!!!


End file.
